Should you have internet access in the home

A critical decision that each family must make is whether or not to actually have internet access at home. For some families it's a no-brainer. But, for a very large percentage the decision is far from simple.

There are several things to think about when making this decision.

• What do you expect to gain - When thinking about this, think about this from both your point of view and your child's point of view. There may be things that your child will get (or think she will get) from the internet that you might not. If you and your child don't see eye to eye on the issue, you really need to discuss this with them - see Discussing the Realities of the Internet With Teens You don't have to wind up agreeing with your child, nor do you have to go with what your child wants, but if you have a calm and open disucssion, you will have more clarity on the issues. Look beyond the obvious. For instance, for many people, the internet is what allows one parent to work from home part of the time - which can be a major benefit for the whole family.  On the other hand, sometimes internet based communications can actually reduce the quality of interaction with family and friends.

• Cost - Internet connections are not free. Prices have gone down, so if this could be a problem for you, check out the options, unless you know that you can't even manage $10 per month. However, for some things, the least expensive connections won't work, which means higher cost.

• Your children can almost certainly get internet access elsewhere - There are many Other Ways to Access the Internet, and you can be sure that if you child does not know about at least some of them, she can find out in short order. Don't think "not my child" or "not in my community". Unless your community is really devoid of all of these possible access points (and that is extremely unlikely), it most definitely could happen in your community, and it could be your child. Whether it will be your child is largely dependent on her personality, the family dynamics, your specific relationship, and her attitude in a number of areas. In other words, a number of issues that seem to be unrelated to the internet per se.  (Although I've discussed some of them, including on Discussing the Realities of the Internet With Teens,  Internet Addiction or Not  and Non Technical Stuff)

• Are you willing and able to put yourself in charge and stay there.  Will you put in the investment of time, effort, and perhaps cash, to create a situation that has some reasonable safeguards in place? I'm not talking about a highly sophisticated system that would put the Pentagon to shame. I'm talking about things like enforcing reasonable time limits (eg enforcing "Bedtime NOW"), keeping the children locked out when there is no adult supervision, getting your system set up so that you get minimal unwanted pop-ups and the like coming up, etc. Will you be able to monitor, to some extent at least, what the internet is being used for, and how other activities are being affected?

• Family Dynamics - Will the internet just be one more thing that will be used to rip people apart? Will your children use the dynamics to get "blessings" for things that would ordinarily be unthinkable?

Whatever you decide about internet access in the home, realize that your job has just begun. Firstly, this is often a decision that needs to be re-evaluted as circumstances change.  Furthermore, although the issues directly relating internet access are relatively obvious there are many other issues to deal with. Just walking out the door can provide you with problems and dilemas, then there are the Related, But Not Necessarily the Internet issues that can trip you up.  You want to make sure that your children won't be among those that access the internet elsewhere without your permission. And, you need to think of the future - when you won't be "in charge", even in theory. One day, your children will be adults, making their own decisions about internet use, as about everything else, and you need to prepare them.