Some of what I cover here is also mentioned in bits and pieces elsewhere on this site.  And, nothing I mention here is new.  Of course there are no guarantees, but these items are, in my opinion, some of the most important aspects to giving your child a solid foundation regarding the internet.  Everything else are details that build on top of this basis.  Note that items are not technical.  Some of the biggest problems that arise are not really due to the technology per se, but rather the technology makes the dangerous areas more accessible. But, those areas are out there, and not walled off, as much as we would like them to be. If you don't believe me, listen to the news for a couple of weeks and look at the advertisements in newspapers, on billboards and even in public transportation, in cities that have a system. While you may not read non-jewish newspapers, and keep the radio off, they do provide a fairly good indicator of what is out in full view.  You can't really avoid the billboards and ads on public transportation, either. And, you can be sure that at some point your child will have access to all of these news sources if he wants - and sometimes even if he doesn't.  Furthermore, if a person doesn't have the foundation, then all the fences you put up in your home will be useless. This is certainly true in the long term. Even in the short term, you are far more likely to see failure.  After all, there are many ways and places that your child can get at the internet, even if they can't bypass the controls you have at home.  And, once they reach a certain age, they will have to make a choice about how they will interact with the internet and what protections to put in place.

Tefillah!

Im Hashem lo yivne bayis, Shov omlu boynov bo, Im Hashem lo yishmor ir, shov shokad shomer.  (If Hashem does not build a house, in vain all the work of those who build, If Hashem does not guard the city, in vain to set guard.)

 

What more can I say about the need for Siyata Dishmaya in raising children, and helping deal with all the Nisyonos they face and will continue to face ad bi'as Goel Tzedek?  I could, of course, quote sefer after Sefer, but Dovid Hamelech said for us in one sentence.

Teach Your Child Midos

Tznius, Eidelkiet, refinement, shmiras einayim - I think the issues here are obvious 

 

Anivus - The ability to admit to making mistakes and being wrong is critical to enabling someone to recognize that he (or she) is going down a bad path.  It's also important for a person to be comfortable in asking a Rav a shaila.  A person needs to be able to recognize when they are dealing with something too big for themselves, or that they cannot cope with, internet related or not, and must be able to reach out get help from the right people, be it a rov, doctor or therapist.  Otherwise, he may wind up reaching out to the wrong people - people who may not judge him or know who he is, but who also are not fit to give advice. He may turn to inappropriate activities in an attempt to deal with the problem. Or, he might not do anything about the problem until enormous damage, possibly irepairable, is done.

 

Ehrilchkeit, trustworthiness - This keeps people from taking bad advice from the wrong people, and from getting involved in illegal or dishonest activities.  It also means less time to get in trouble. For instance, if someone, recognizes that he has no right to spend large amounts of time on personal activities at work, that cuts out a large available slot of time to use the internet!  In general, it's far harder to keep up wrong activities, internet related or not, if you avoid lying,  are honest with people who live up to proper standards and act in a way to maintain their trust.  This has always been true; the story of Resh Lakish is a perfect example.

 

Teach Your Child To Think

Time and again, people fall prey to all sorts of problems, from financial scams to all sorts of devarim assurim, because they don't have the tools to evaluate what they see, hear or read.   Whether it's evaluating a web page to see if it's worth spending time on; recognizing that a suggestion or offer should be run by a posek or expert in a particular field; or recognizing that a seemingly smooth presentation hides all sorts of holes, critical thinking skills are key to keeping people from falling victim to both scam artists and honestly mistaken ideas.

 

I am not, C"V, knocking the necessity of Kabolas Ol.  But, Kabolas Ol does not mean turning off your brain.  Furthermore, if someone isn't capable of evaluating people and the things they say, then they can be convinced either to apply the idea of Kabolas Ol to the wrong people or groups, or that something fits in with proper Kabolas Ol, even when it does not.

 

Model the Right Behavior

Volumes have been written on this theme, so I'll just stick to reminding people of two main points.  Acting in a certain way teaches children how to implement all the principles you talk to them about.  Secondly, and crucially, "Do as I say, not as I do" is an absolute disaster.  The only way to get your message across is when you "walk the talk" - ie do what you tell your children to, and live by these principles. You need to model the general behavior you want your children to emulate.  You must also interact with the internet in the way you want your children to learn to act. So, for instance, the browser I use is set up to automatically block all sort of potentially objectionable material, and to easily block even more if I wind up at a site that I need to be at, but that has improper pictures, women singing (in the presence of boys or men) etc. Seeing that your internet usage is bounded with the same types of caution and attempts to limit danger that you want from them (even if not to the same extent), sends a very powerful message.

 

Assertive and Confident Parenting

I mention several times on this site, the necessity of disucssing things with your children, explaining issues, listening with respect to what your children have to say and taking theor opinons and desires into account. But, you are the parents. You are the ones who need to make final decisions as to what you do in your home and the rules you expect your children to follow while they are under your authority. You have both a rightand an obligation to make these decisions. Explaining does not have to mean defending; discussions don't have to go one forever; and giving your children respect and consideration does not mean that you are always going to agree with them or do things the way they want. Get outside advice, if you need to. But, once you have heard what your children have to say (and it doesn't have to be multiple times) and considered all of the factors, you should present your decision with confidence and strenght. You don't have to make the decision that "everyone" is making (if "everyone" is in fact making that decision), or the decision that someone else would make. You need to make the decision that you beleive is right. Yes, if circumstances change, you will reasses the situation, but at the decision point you need to be confident and strong in maintaining your decision.